Love Like Cyanide: ch 12
alpha idol paranormal romance
Chapter 12: Valentine
The second the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. Unsay them. It sounds insane. Natalie and I are like co-workers. Acquaintances at best.
But this… this isn’t the surface-level conscious portion of my brain talking. It’s the primitive part that sits in my subconscious, focused solely on survival. And now, being so close to her with nothing interfering with the connection between our beasts… I know that I need her.
I don’t just want her. I need her the way I need oxygen. The way a plant needs sunlight. Looking up into her eyes, I can tell that she feels it, too.
Natalie stares at me for a long, silent moment, and she has the most unexpected reaction to my confession. She starts to laugh.
“You’re fucking joking, right?” Her voice is thick with a combination of emotions that all blend together so deeply I can’t separate them. “You can’t be fucking serious, Val.”
I see the tears in her eyes that she’s trying to hide behind the sharp words, and I say nothing. Waiting. It’s a lot to process, and this wasn’t fully how I intended on this evening going, either.
She sniffles, and her words are a jumbled mess as they tumble from her perfect lips. “Why…? What in the actual fuck…? How the fuck can you just SAY something like that?!”
I cover her hand with mine, bringing her palm to my cheek and nuzzling against it. “Because it’s the truth, Nat.”
I feel her fingertips tremble against my skin, but she’s still trying to resist what her heart is telling her. “I’m fucking sterile, Valentine. I can’t be a mate if I can’t have children.”
Despite her insecurities that bleed from those words, that statement is like music to my ears. “Natalie… that just means we can practice as much as we want and not have to worry about the consequences.” There’s a coarse rumbling beneath what I say, and that paired with my teasing smirk makes her cheeks flush.
“Fuck’s sake, Val…” The embarrassed squeak she lets out is adorable.
“While I’ve got you right where I want you, how about we finish our little game from earlier?”
She inhales deeply, the edges of her toned torso shifting slightly under my fingers. “I was really hoping you forgot.”
“No such luck, Doc. But I’ll go easy on you, for now. You want love or hate, for this one?”
She does that cute as hell thing where she presses her lips together for a second while she ponders the best way to answer. It makes me crave her even more. I want to kiss those lips, to bury my face in her neck and drown in that delicious scent until I’ve forgotten what hunger is.
Her blue eyes widen as she gazes down at me. Something about where my mind ran off to must have shown on my face. “Love,” she says simply.
“How long have you wanted me, Natalie?”
She chuffs, but doesn’t argue with my assessment. “You’re gorgeous. Even without all the styling and makeup. Since the first time I saw you, before I even worked for the company. I’m not blind. But you, Valentine, as a person and not just an idol?” She nibbles at the corner of her lower lip for a second, looking like she’s doing calculations in her head. “About six months. But, with my job and all that… I live in the land of pushing silly schoolgirl crushes aside for the sake of professionalism.”
I can’t help but smile at her. Her honesty has always been refreshing. It’s one of the things that makes me crave her presence. I know she’s not going to lie to stroke my ego. I wouldn’t mind her stroking something else, though…
“I won’t fault you for doing what was best for the sake of your survival, Doc.”
The look she gives me is uncertain, hesitant. “How do I know it’s not still what’s best for my survival?” Her voice is small, thin, and it’s like a dagger through my heart.
There’s a moment of silence that sits heavily between us.
“…You’re a big girl, Natalie. I’m not going to force your hand or tell you what I think you should do. But when you’re ready to fall, I promise I’ll be there to catch you.”
Her eyes are still guarded, but her heartbeat has leveled off. She’s warming to the idea of it even if she doesn’t bite, right now. Progress is progress.
“You’d better not drop me, then. My romance being chemical aside here, you’re not the first man to talk a big game, Val.”
That little panicked stutter in her pulse practically has me salivating. But she’s doing so well at keeping her expression neutral, I don’t want to say something about it and push her away. “I have no intentions of dropping you, Nat. Besides, you can probably hold on like a koala with those thighs of yours.”
Blue eyes widen in surprise, then she chuckles. “Seems I’m not the only one who’s been sneaking glances at the forbidden fruit, eh?”
I shrug, letting my gaze slowly drag down her form before coming back up to her face. “Would have had more than my eyes on you a long time ago, if I’d known for sure you were interested. And willing to compromise those pesky morals, at least a bit.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs loudly, smacking my shoulder. The pure joy that tumbles from her lips is music to my ears. She leans in close, her lips hovering above mine so I can feel the heat radiating from her skin, before pulling back suddenly and saying: “Oh, sorry. Seems my moral compass has righted itself and is pointing back due North. You’re out of luck, Val.”
With an exaggerated pout, I sigh, letting my hands drop from her sides as my posture slumps. “If that’s how you really want it to be, Doc…”
Natalie steps forward, soft hands coming up to cup my face, her thumb ticking back and forth across my cheek. I’m on my knees on the floor and she’s barely taller than I am, standing at her full height. It’s hard for me not to laugh at the size disparity.
“Dummy,” she murmurs as she dips her head down and finally fully presses her lips to mine. My fingers itch to hold her, and the rest of me is aching to claim her. But I wait, letting her take the lead. Doing my damnedest not to make any sudden movements that might scare her off, or even worse... make her change her mind about letting that moral compass spin.
If she’d told me ‘no thanks’ and kicked me out, I wouldn’t have blamed her. As it is, she’s risking her entire career at this moment. Nothing’s on the line for me, aside from maybe keeping my shirt on while I’m on stage if I end up with claw marks down my back. And since this kitten doesn’t have any claws, I’m totally in the clear.
Her scent from this close is starting to fog my senses, covering the logical layer of my brain with a thick layer of cotton that lets the beast bleed through. Natalie’s hands slide into my hair, the pads of her fingers pressing into my scalp feeling like heaven as she pulls me up to meet her careful kiss. She pulls my lower lip between her teeth and it drags a deep groan from my chest. Something about shattering the quiet with that sound changes the entire dynamic in a matter of seconds.
Natalie goes from tentative and gentle to feral and unhinged so quickly that, not gonna lie, it’s the biggest boost to my ego I’ve ever had. She’s kissing me hard, all lips and teeth and tongue, like she wants to yank my soul out through my mouth. Her fists in my hair are pulling just the right amount, sending a bit of a tingling heat across my skin.
The sharp tang of blood suddenly hits me, and her body stills for the barest of seconds. She must have accidentally nicked the edge of her tongue on one of my canines. She whimpers into my mouth, the vibration of it sinking into my bones. Nat comes up for air, resting her forehead against mine.
“Fuck,” she says under her breath. She murmurs my name and it’s a statement, a fervent prayer. “Touch me… Please.” Her voice quivers, but she’s not asking. She tells me what she wants, like she knows I want nothing more than to please her. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I get to my feet, lifting her as I stand, hands squeezing her ass. A startled little squeak leaves her lips and she throws her arms around my neck, legs encircling my waist to keep her balance. I bury my face in her neck with a thankful little growl. “I thought you’d never fucking ask.”