Love Like Cyanide: ch 15
alpha idol paranormal romance
Chapter 15: Natalie
It’s always the same. I wake up alone, have to carry on like nothing happened, and just keep smiling like I’m not shattered to pieces on the inside. I don't understand why I thought this time would be different.
At least, that’s what I’m expecting when my eyelids flutter open to the sound of my alarm. Instead, I’m greeted by the smell of coffee and… food? I grab my black silk robe off the hanger and throw it on, tying the waist sash as I scurry from the bedroom to the kitchen.
Even more glorious than the sight of him naked, the absolute vision Valentine paints as the picture of domesticity while he putters around my tiny kitchen cooking breakfast makes me salivate. What can I say? There aren’t many things hotter than a man who can cook.
My fingers itch to hold him, and when I realize there’s no reason not to, I pad over and wrap my arms around his waist. I press my cheek against the powerful muscles of his back, smooth and bare, and feel his abs tense under my fingers suddenly. He pauses stirring and scraping to cover my hands with one of his, giving them a squeeze before going back to his task. He’s humming a tune under his breath, but I don’t recognize it, so it’ll likely become a song in an album or two.
All seven members of Inferno write their songs, to a degree, but Valentine does the bulk of the producing. Ryker and Kannon round out the production trio, which has led to the group having a sound nobody can replicate, no matter how hard they try.
I’m content to just be there, soaking in the sylvan warmth of his presence as he plates breakfast for us. He reaches for one of the plates and pauses, the hesitation and a moment of coldness slinking through our bond catching my breath with a sting of anxiety. He rests his hand on my forearm, thumb ticking back and forth across the skin to the same rhythm of the song that fills his mind and spills from his lips.
“Hey, Nat.”
“Yeah, Val?”
“Let’s eat, and then we’ll… talk about all of this. Okay?”
Those words should make me panic. I know they should. My brain tries to freak out, but soaking in his calming scent and the heat from his body has me quietly agreeing without a fight.
I sit at my small, cozy dining table and he brings over the food. There’s already a pot of coffee and all the things that make it palatable waiting there, so I mix myself a mug with enough sugar to make a normal pancreas beg for mercy as he sits down. I take a leisurely sip, the sweet liquid soaking into my bones and my soul.
I gaze across the small expanse of table between us, and I can’t help staring. Not in a fun way. Valentine notices my attention and he rubs his hand against the back of his neck, his eyes still glowing amber as they study the floor intently.
“Yeah,” he murmurs. “One of several things we need to chat about.”
I frown a little, nodding and taking a loud crunch of the buttery toast.
We eat in silence for a few moments, the lack of talking not uncomfortable despite the tension singing in the air.
“So…” he begins, finally. I merely nod, showing that I’m listening but not wanting to interrupt him.
“Wolf eyes aside, we… I…have two other problems, this morning.” I look at him expectantly as he tries to gather his thoughts. I’ve never seen Val nervous before. If he wasn’t so distressed, it would be adorable.
“What is it?” I ask softly, suddenly reminded that he’s a few years younger than I am.
“I’ve been up for a few hours, and had to do some research.” He clears his throat, meeting my gaze intensely. “Did you know that it’s common for a body to adapt when you encounter your mate?”
My eyebrows meet my hairline and my eyes flick towards his lap, despite a table being in the way.
“So you’re—”
“Definitely less likely to accidentally send you to the ER for stitches.” His cheeks pink up and he exhales heavily. “So, that was a bit of a shock for me, this morning. Panic inducing for a few minutes, if I’m being honest. But aside from that…” His eyebrows knit together and he gnaws on his lower lip. “When do you have to go back in to work?”
I shrug. “In a few days, when you all have to report back.”
He sighs with relief, a mumbled prayer of thanks on his lips. His massive frame is nervous, trembling. It’s so unlike him that it has me anxious, too.
“What’s going on, Val?”
He’s quiet a moment, and his words are soft when he does finally answer. “You know a bit about how being in Heat works, from experiencing it. But what do you know about male alphas and Ruts?”
I roll my empty coffee mug back and forth between my hands. “Being raised by totally human parents who even denied my Heat cycles, like I was just being a dramatic teenager… honestly, nothing.”
He nods, dragging his fork across his now empty plate. I can feel him bouncing his leg under the table, the vibrations pressing into the soles of my feet through the cheap linoleum. “That’s what I figured. So… I’ve never been mated during this, Natalie. I’m not trying to sound rude, but I don’t know if only having you available to me right now is going to be safe. For you.”
I bristle internally at the idea of anyone else, much less some random groupies, touching him. “How do you usually deal with a Rut, Valentine?”
He chuffs, the sound bordering on a sob and a humorless laugh blended together. “The lawyers fucking hate me because there’s a stack of NDAs as thick as a phone book by the end of the three days.”
I realize I’ve clasped my fingers together and I’m gripping my own hands so tightly that the knuckles are turning white from the pressure. “So, you’re twitchy as hell because you’re struggling to hold on to the last bits of your humanity, and you’re about to become a brainless fucking machine for a few days.”
He nods.
I exhale slowly, my breath shakier than I like to acknowledge as it leaves my body.
“Okay, so… what’s our next move? We haven’t really declared any monogamy in this relationship, but I’m also not wholly comfy with the idea of you banging a bunch of girls and just discarding them once your senses come back to you.” I force myself to unclench my fingers, and my jaw.
His entire body stills in a way that makes my heart race, adrenaline coursing through my veins and urging me to run. Valentine lifts amber eyes to regard me carefully, and I can see the vein in his neck jumping under his skin, like he can smell the change. And he probably can.
“The ball’s in your court, Nat. I can leave and deal with this the way I normally do. This Rut just happened to sneak up on me, and I wasn’t properly prepared. But the team knows. They’ve got all this mapped out in their bureaucrat calendars that dictate our entire lives…” His words are sharp and bitter, laced with an edge I’m not used to hearing from him.
“Or I can stay, and we’ll work through this together. Who knows? Maybe things will be more manageable with the bond that we’ve got, now.” He tilts his head to the side a bit, eyes closed for a second as he works tension out of his neck and rolls his powerful shoulders.
“But either way, you need to decide quick. I can have a car here in 10 minutes and be a good, safe distance away from you. Otherwise, I’m pressing confirm on the scheduled food deliveries we’ll be needing to settle in for a few days.”
“Jesus, Val… It sounds worse than being in Heat.”
His face is serious and the dark little chuckle that rolls from his lips raises goosebumps on my skin. “Being in heat makes you needy, Nat. A Rut makes you Need. You become the personification of this living, pulsing, insatiable urge. It’s not just worse. It’s dangerous.”
I know that I’m running out of time to ask him questions, but I need to know: “How many women have you sent to the hospital?”
He blinks slowly, like a large predatory cat. “You don’t really want to know the answer to that.”
I press my lips together, not liking that response. “Were any of them permanently maimed, or did anybody die?”
“Dehydrated, bruised, minor lacerations. Nothing permanent.”
At least he’s being honest about it. I nod once, getting up and walking to my apartment door. I hear Valentine’s chair slide across the linoleum as he gets to his feet, ready to follow me and take his leave.
Instead, I throw the deadbolt shut with an ominous click that seems to reverberate in the marrow of my bones. I turn to stop him from going and bump directly into his chest. He moved so swiftly and silently that I didn’t hear his footfalls on the floor.
He rests his forearm against the door beside my head, cupping my chin in his other hand and gazing down into my eyes. I watch the muscles in his jaw clench, but his grip on me is surprisingly gentle. He rolls his eyes shut for the barest of seconds before they flicker open again.
“Are you sure, Natalie? This is your last chance to make me go. I won’t be present enough to ask another time.” His voice is soft, like he’s scared I’m going to run, after all.
“I’m sure, Val.”
That’s all it takes. Everything about him shifts and he lifts me off the ground so quickly that it tears a startled squeak from my lips. Hot hands squeeze and caress as Valentine kisses me so hard and desperately that he might just devour my soul.
The lights may be on in those amber eyes, but Valentine isn’t home anymore. The Alpha has completely taken control of him. And all I can do is hang on for the ride.